So, if you're one of the unfortunate thousands (millions?) who are unlucky enough to have to work in a cubicle, I have a little advice for you:
EAT IN THE MOTHERFUCKING KITCHEN.
Yes, I said it. I did. You know why? Because everyone thinks they eat quietly. Everyone thinks they eat politely. Everyone thinks their food smells good. That's why they're eating it. But guess what? Your neighbor across the walkway thinks your food stinks. Your neighbor across the walkway doesn't want to hear you rustle your god damn sandwich/burger/pita wrapper. Your neighbor across the walkway thinks that you chew with your mouth open and doesn't want to hear you slurping on PASTA of all things.
Therefore. If you choose to eat at work, and most people do, then I advise you to either get an office (which means you have to stop being a disgusting slob so you can gain some upward mobility) or eat in the kitchen with the rest of the people who think that they're perfectly sanitary eaters.
Whew. I feel better. Back to editing!